Sunday, November 21, 2010

Adegan yang tak mampu kita lihat.

*** mata terpaksa di hitamkan, ala2x pesalah jenayah juvana...
 
Tragedi di atas di adaptasi dari kisah benar yg berlaku last week, hari Jumaat. Time tuh kami ber4.5 beranak on the way balik dari campus ke kem Sg. Besi. Housemate tak kerja, nasib baik dia yg drive sbb time tuh hujan renyai2x dan jalan adalah sgt jem dari PV Tmn Melati terus smpi BTS. 

Aku pun tatau le cenggana kaki  Luqman (bukan nama sebenar... hehehehhe) boleh muat tanpa kompromi masuk dlm tpt pemegang pintu tuh. hiruk pikuk gak arr dlm kereta dgn suara2x arahan mak bapak yg panic-tapi-buat-buat-tak-panic, ajar dia utk keluarkan kaki tuh. aku mmg tak leh pusing belakang, and actually we have no idea cenggana rupa kaki yg tersepit tuh. just dengar esakan dan dgn tidak-macho memberitahu... "kaki ketat'.... (merujuk kepada kaki yg tersepit)...

aku dah le dgn perut yg besor, mmg tak leh pusing 180 deg, dgn nufail di riba tgh sedap nyonyot susu botol dia, pening dgn arahan housemate yg macam lagak amik baris kat padang kawad.. trjerit2x dia suruh, tolak sket, keluarkan slow... and ntahapahapantah lagi arahan ala-ala kawadnya...  dah ler jalan jem slow moving, sumer org tgh lapar (kecuali nufail yg selamba badak mcm tak ada apa berlaku), nk tukar lane nak ke tepi bukan senang, and at last kami decide gak berenti kat Petronas yg lepas zoo negara tuh... adesss.... dah tgk muka housemate cuak semacam, aku smpi trebayang mungkin lepas nih kena panggil bomba or JPA 3 , kasi potong itu kaki eh, silap.. kasi potong itu pintu... tak pon besok mesti keluar muka depan Harian Metro atau Kosmo ke. kah kah kah ....

bila dah berenti, housemate boleh siap gelak2x lagi.. mintak camera nk amik gambo. cess... mana aci gelak sorang2x.. kita kena work as a team... so, kenalah gelak bersama. so, dgn gigihnya aku letak nufail dan berpusing utk lihat ke seat belakang. kah kah kah lagi... pecah perut kitorang... snap2x gambo lebih kurang seperti parents yg sengal, terus berusaha menjampi serapah untuk keluarkan kaki tuh. Luqman yg dari asalnya nangis sakit, bertambah tertekan dgn kesengalan mak bapak dia, terus meraung lagi kuat. marah gamaknya org gelakkan dia...

hehehehe, makan masa jugak le nk kuarkan kaki tuh... bila sumer dah ok, dalam tersedu sedan dia bagitau... "kaki abang sakit nih, makan eskem yg hitam (choco top) tuh, mesti  baik lepas  ni." chesss!!! balas dendam rupanya. kebetulan stesen minyak tuh tuh ada drive through... memula nmpak housemate moncong gak arr... yelah, dah le dah petang, jalan jem, buang masa berenti nak lepaskan kaki dia, dah tuh demand nak choco top plak... abis tuh, kul baper nak sampai umah??? Nasib baik housemaste yg drive.. kalu kami ber3 je dlm keter, alamak lunyai kat situ la, ibu takkan berenti tau Luqman... nak tunduk2x dari pintu  sebelah  lagi satu nak capai kaki kamu. dengan batasan perut dan tekanan ini... . huh, idok le ibu, bior je lak kat situ smpi jumpa guard kat kem sg. besi karang....

aku plak rilek jer... dpt makan eskem best jugak.. tapi dgn keadaan yg hujan renyai2x nih, dan pundi kencing separa penuh, gerenti lepas makan eskem nak terkucil punyo. tak berani den nk suruh org tua itu berenti lagi sekali... apa2x pon, belasah jugak la makan choco top, hehehhehhe... itu pon, bila dah abis eskem, berceramah dua tiga chapter dia.. maybe tensen  dgn jem, campur nak terkucil... anak2x diam jer, aku pulak bantai buat2x tido... lenguh pinggangg ooo. dengar slot ceramah di senja jumaat di dlm kereta ketika jem ..  sudahnya.... dah dekat Isyak baru smpai umah... al kesah encik Luqman punya halll.. lepas nih, jgn setakat kaki, masukkan kepala sekali kat pemegang pintu tuh!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

How to stop yelling to your children.



Nufail.... kalu kena marah, sengih dan gelak jer. kenkadang comel, kenkadang aku rasa nak gigit-gigit jer pipi dia. Kalu cubit pon, dia donno gak, kalu cakap elok2x pon, dia terkebil2x gak... isk, bila la nak 'masak' budak nih... Luqman.. kalu kena marah, kenkadang merajuk sambil peluk lutut kepala tengok ke lantai. kenkadang ungkit balik.. 
    "Adik buat boleh, Luqman buat tak boleh"
    "Tadi (merefer kepada 'ari tu' ) Abi pun sepah jugak... Ibu tak marah pon..!"
 Aiyyak! How to deal with these kind of kiddos... So, carik2x kat parentguide jap... tgk apa yg ada.

1. Breathe - Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Sometimes all it takes is a moment to cool down. yelah... cakap sonang jo, kalu angin dah naik kat kepala, bukan stakat bernafas, keluar api super sayya mcm dragon ball pon buleh..
You told your child to pick up all his toys and get ready for bed. Five minutes later when you check in, the toy cars are still all over. You feel your blood start to boil. You're on the verge of losing it. Turn around, close your eyes, and breathe. Take a moment to collect yourself -- and your emotions. Michelle LaRowe, author of A Mom's Ultimate Book of Lists, says, "Take a time-out. If you're worked up, you're only going to work up your child. Before addressing your child, take a deep breath and think through what you're going to say, calmly."


2. Address the Behavior - We all have good kids; sometimes their behavior just stinks. Ini kalu sempat ingat arr.. biasanya akan ingat kalu lepas kena marah, depa dah tido, sayu pulak tengok muka depa dan baru nak rasa bersalah dah lepas marah-marah..

When you're teaching your children to ride their bikes, do you punish them when they don't get it the first try? Of course not. You encourage them, support them, and give them guidance. Rex Forehand, Ph.D., author of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Third Edition, with Nicholas Long, Ph.D., says that disciplining your children should be the same way. "When we think about teaching our children, we usually go about it in positive ways, that is except for behavior," Dr. Forehand says. "For some reason we think that punishment should be our teaching tool." It doesn't need to be. When your child hits another child during a playdate, it's easy to react with yelling, "Stop! Don't do that!" Instead, Dr. Forehand suggests focusing on addressing the specific behavior and taking the opportunity to patiently teach your child why hitting is wrong.


3. Mean Business Without Being Mean  - Instead of yelling, use a firm, but soft, I-mean-business tone when giving behavior directions. Haruskah practice sokmo depan cermin. bercakap tegas tapi tak nampak macam marah dengan tona dan pitching yg sederhana??.. haruskah... kalu suara aku gemersik mcm Ahkak Pink tak pe arr... ini suara mcm Poh Bedah.. cakap sikit org kata mcm nak marah... hish, gigih kena ayu lagi ala-ala siti noaliza lah nih.. 

Direction that makes the most impact on a child is actually one that is stern and even somewhat gentle, says LaRowe. "When you speak in a calm but firm soft voice, children have to work to listen -- and they most always do. The calmer and softer you speak, the more impact your words will have," she says. Not only will your child most likely grasp your instructions faster, you won't have to lose your voice trying to convey it.


4. Help Your Child Explain Feelings  - Before you lose your cool because your child has misbehaved, figure out what is causing the behavior. Isk, aku sendirik pon haru biru lagi nak express feeling.. nih nak ajar anak2x pulok.... adoyai.... 

 One of the biggest reasons toddlers misbehave is they simply haven't learned an alternative approach to displaying their feelings. "Our goal as parents should be to teach our children how to effectively express themselves by validating their feelings without validating their behavior," LaRowe says. Next time Tommy pushes a friend who just knocked over his blocks, stray away from the tempting ridicule of yelling "No! Don't do that!" LaRowe suggests instead explaining why the action is bad. "Tommy, I understand you are mad that your friend knocked over your blocks. It's okay to be mad, but when you are mad you tell your friend 'I'm mad;' you don't push."

5. Have Clear Rules & Follow Through Not carrying out your threats will result in them testing you -- and you getting angry. Owh, ini sudah pasti. akulah polis gaban yg sentiasa follow rules and regulations kt umah tuh, bukan setakat anak, bapak pon termasuk dlm rules nih tauu!!

"Jenna, please turn off the TV." Five minutes later, Jenna is still watching TV. "Jenna, I mean it, turn off the TV or you will sit in time-out." Five minutes later, Jenna is still watching TV. "Jenna, I mean it ..." Empty threats and nagging won't work on your children, and eventually they will call your bluff. And when they do, it's likely parents will find themselves frustrated and yelling. But this is easy to avoid. Have clear rules. When you state a consequence, follow through.

6. Give Praise for Okay Behavior - Parents praise their children for good behavior, and scold for the bad, but what about the in-between? Ohh.. I am good in this. hubby, can you do this to me also.. ? (luahan isteri yg ketandusan pujian suami.. hehehehe)

Children love getting attention from their parents, sometimes even if it's bad. "Parents tend to give attention to their child either by praising them for good behavior or punishing them for bad behavior. And at times a child will take either or," says Dr. Long, who advises to ignore your children when they are acting badly, such as whining to get attention. "If you yell at them, you are still giving them the interest they wanted, and therefore they will continue to use negative behavior to get a reaction from you," Dr. Long says. If you praise behavior, even when it is just okay, then your child will be more likely to repeat it because of the way you took notice.


7. A Strong Bond Makes Discipline Easier  - The stronger your relationship is with your child, the stronger your discipline will hold. Sbb tu lah kena start ngan fully braestfeed, pastu makan makanan yg air tangan dan peluh ibu masak.. kena doa ... hohohohoohoh.... kena constant nih...! (ps: boleh apply kepada sang suami jugak kott)

At this age your child wants to be close to you. Take advantage of it and reaffirm your bond with your child. Not only will it strengthen the relationship between parent and child, but your child will then have a greater respect for you. According to Parenting the Strong-Willed Child: The Third Edition, the closer you are to your child, the less likely your child is to act up, even though no child is perfect. "A child who has a strong relationship with a parent is more prone to accept the discipline offered by a parent," Dr. Long says.


8. Put Yourself in Their Shoes - Are you hurt when someone yells at you? Of course; so why wouldn't your child be? yupp... always put ourself in their shoes.. but can sometimes they try to put themselves in our shoes also... can? can..? ps: jangan lah mengahrap sgt, semoga Allah bagi je balasan yg setimpal atas usaha kita..

"Our goal as parents should be to teach our children and to build them up, not to tear them down. When we yell at our children we risk damaging their self-esteem and sense of self-worth," LaRowe says. Consider how you'd feel if your boss yelled at you. You'd likely be embarrassed and hurt. LaRowe points out that often you don't have a chance to process what your boss is saying because of how it was said. The same goes for your child. You want to be able to teach him what is acceptable and what is not without making him feel shame or embarrassment.


9.Good Eating & Sleeping Habits - Healthy children are the happiest children. ohh.. ini bukan setakat anak jer.. mak pun kalu cukup makan pakai tidor, cinta, emas, permata, duit.. hehehehh.. takder nak yelling yelling kat anak mcm gorila nyer... so, bapak, please take note..

Parents underestimate the power of what a well-balanced diet and a good sleeping schedule can do for a child's behavior. If you think about it, what are two of the major underlying problems that cause toddlers to act up? Hunger and fatigue. Well-rested, well-nourished children who are on predictable schedules tend to have fewer behavioral issues. On the flip side, the better your sleeping and eating habits are as a parent, the more likely you are to keep your cool longer -- and catch yourself before you start yelling.

10. We're Not Perfect - No matter how hard we try, sometimes we will slip up and yell. And that's okay, as long as we know how to make it right. so, anak2x ku.. terimalah ibu seadanya ekk... i am a human, not a humnoid robot.. sometimes i make mistakes.. parenting is a journey of learning yg takkan habis selagi ada anank2x.... i am not trying to be a superwoman, supermom or superwife... tp of course try to be the best in doing this as an amanah from Him...

Your child has been driving you up the wall all day. You have tried to keep your cool and follow all the steps, and yet you still feel your temper escalating. And then, one small mishap from your child, and you lose it. You raise your voice, and there's no taking it back now. Dr. Forehand and Dr. Long suggest talking to your children when you've calmed down after yelling. "It's important to explain that Mommy or Daddy didn't mean to raise their voice, and that they didn't mean to get mad," Dr. Forehand says. "Explain to them that it frustrates Mommy or Daddy when they don't listen, and ask them to do better, and that you will, too."